“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers at the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” – Jamie Anderson
Even after a calm morning, the afternoon was hectic.
I went up to 6 patients, discharged two, admitted two back. All patients needed nausea medicine and pain medicine, all on IV fluids, one high blood pressure, one high heart rate, one fluid bolus ordered, and then I heard yelling.
A patient was walking in the hallway and had fallen to the floor with the CNA. She was minimally responsive and blue. After the code team arrived, they took her to the unit, where she coded and quickly died. The code team stated later that she must have thrown a clot into her lung.
In the midst of the everyday tasks and chaotic shift as a nurse, moments like this bring me back to reality. Everything becomes quiet when the code team comes. Everybody stops what they are doing and focuses on the one person whose life is quickly fading. Some survive and others do not. Some deaths are expected, while others are not. The death of this patient was not expected by any means.
After shifts like today, I ask myself what matters most in life? And am I pursuing these values?
Until next shift,
Shania